you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
