Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
