So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
