is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
