i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
