Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
