Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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