I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
