We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
