I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
