YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
