hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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