i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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