Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
