I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
