i don't like sucking hair
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
