he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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