i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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