1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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