I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
