I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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