Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
