Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
