So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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