She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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