im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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