im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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