I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to cum in my sink.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
