a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
