i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
