I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
