Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
