better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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