I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
