He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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