Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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