Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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