Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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