now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
