i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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