What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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