I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
