VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
tell me about the eggs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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