I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
