I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
