so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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