do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
