I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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