Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
