R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
