10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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