she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
