I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
