That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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