he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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