That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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