you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
