How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
